The kids are into Star Wars, which means every weekend we are watching a movie. But some of the dialogue no longer rings true to me … here’s a more accurate version.
Star Wars: A New Hope
Scene: INT. IMPERIAL STARDESTROYER
On the main viewscreen, the lifepod carrying the two terrified robots speeds away from the stricken Rebel spacecraft.
CHIEF PILOT: There goes another one.
CAPTAIN: Hold your fire. There are no life forms. It must have been short-circuited.
INT. LIFEPOD - Artoo and Threepio look out at the receding Imperial starship. Stars circle as the pod rotates through the galaxy.
Chief Pilot: But captain, it’s possible the rebels just sent the plans on an escape pod without an escort. Can’t I just shot it just to make sure?
Captain: Craig, Where you not just at the Conservation training? We all have to do our part to save firepower.
Chief Pilot: Sir, I am all for conservation, but it seems silly to not shot this emergency vessel, even if there is no life form. The risk reward calculation....
Captain: Ok, you want a risk reward calculation... each one of those missiles is $40,000. And my ass is on the line to meet budget before the quarterly earnings.
Chief Pilot: Sir, I understand you are under a lot of pressure, but a good quarter will be worthless if those plans escape, the whole Death Star could be at risk….
Captain: Well you sure are connecting an awful lot of dots, and you are making a lot of assumptions. But we don’t pay you to make assumptions; you get paid to follow orders. And my bonus doesn’t depend on whether or not we stop the Rebels; my bonus is tied to the budget. So no Craig.... you may hold your fire because there are no life forms on that pod and we are just going to write this one up to an electrical malfunction.
Star Wars: A New Hope
Scene: INT. IMPERIAL STARDESTROYER
On the main viewscreen, the lifepod carrying the two terrified robots speeds away from the stricken Rebel spacecraft.
CHIEF PILOT: There goes another one.
CAPTAIN: Hold your fire. There are no life forms. It must have been short-circuited.
INT. LIFEPOD - Artoo and Threepio look out at the receding Imperial starship. Stars circle as the pod rotates through the galaxy.
Chief Pilot: But captain, it’s possible the rebels just sent the plans on an escape pod without an escort. Can’t I just shot it just to make sure?
Captain: Craig, Where you not just at the Conservation training? We all have to do our part to save firepower.
Chief Pilot: Sir, I am all for conservation, but it seems silly to not shot this emergency vessel, even if there is no life form. The risk reward calculation....
Captain: Ok, you want a risk reward calculation... each one of those missiles is $40,000. And my ass is on the line to meet budget before the quarterly earnings.
Chief Pilot: Sir, I understand you are under a lot of pressure, but a good quarter will be worthless if those plans escape, the whole Death Star could be at risk….
Captain: Well you sure are connecting an awful lot of dots, and you are making a lot of assumptions. But we don’t pay you to make assumptions; you get paid to follow orders. And my bonus doesn’t depend on whether or not we stop the Rebels; my bonus is tied to the budget. So no Craig.... you may hold your fire because there are no life forms on that pod and we are just going to write this one up to an electrical malfunction.