My mom said, “Nice jeans.”
Of course, she likes them. I’m wearing ‘mom jeans.’ High waisted and loose. They camouflage the car wreck that is my stomach after consecutive pregnancies. Yup. I wear mom jeans now. Put me in the uncool column. But because of my mom jeans, I feel I have a platform to complain about Facebook Messenger.
I’ve never really been “hip with it.” The fact I use the word ‘hip’ should be a hint. I joined Facebook, not because I’m cutting edge, but out of a need to communicate with my brother and friends. My brother is no longer on Facebook, because he is way cooler than me. Nowadays, I am on The Facebook consistently during my “free time” ... which means I check it for 15 minutes every other week. Because that’s how much “free time” I have in my life right now.
So, when you start a phone conversation with “Didn’t you see my post on Facebook?” My answer is “No, bitch, no. I don’t have time for that shit. Why don’t you verbally do a recap of your week for me. Do your best Monday morning ESPN show and give me the highlights since last time we talked.”
If I don’t Facebook, can you imagine my hesitation when I was peer-pressured into joining Messenger. I was always scared to download it. I believed conspiracy theories about the app tracking your every move and knowing your deepest darkest secrets. And look, they were right! I guess it was okay to join, by now the Russians probably have everything on me.
I did it solely for the purpose of a hometown get together. Why we couldn’t just do a group text? I didn’t understand. I brought my “let’s just text” communication option to the group organizer. He said it was easier than texting. Better than texting. Finally admitting it’s what a younger lady friend of his uses. She uses Messenger, so he uses Messenger.
“But Why Not a Text!!!” I said. I understood his circumstances, but not the communication mechanism.
“This way you can see if they are available, and know when they saw your message,” he said.
Well, that’s not promising. People would know if you are blowing them off.
I said I would delete the app once dinner was over. But of course, I forgot because you may recall, I get 15 minutes of phone time every two weeks.
Then, an odd thing started happening. Other friends started reaching out to me and I was actually able to get a hold of folks. People that would take days to text me back, people that would ignore my texts indefinitely, would suddenly, magically respond through Messenger.
For example, I needed help on my child’s Halloween costume. Through Messenger, I reached out to a friend’s mother with a question. She got right back to me within a nanosecond with tips on how to make a jellybean costume.
If my friend's mom is also on the platform doesn’t that turn Messenger into ‘mom jeans.’ And more importantly, why can’t a good old fashion text suffice.
Of course, she likes them. I’m wearing ‘mom jeans.’ High waisted and loose. They camouflage the car wreck that is my stomach after consecutive pregnancies. Yup. I wear mom jeans now. Put me in the uncool column. But because of my mom jeans, I feel I have a platform to complain about Facebook Messenger.
I’ve never really been “hip with it.” The fact I use the word ‘hip’ should be a hint. I joined Facebook, not because I’m cutting edge, but out of a need to communicate with my brother and friends. My brother is no longer on Facebook, because he is way cooler than me. Nowadays, I am on The Facebook consistently during my “free time” ... which means I check it for 15 minutes every other week. Because that’s how much “free time” I have in my life right now.
So, when you start a phone conversation with “Didn’t you see my post on Facebook?” My answer is “No, bitch, no. I don’t have time for that shit. Why don’t you verbally do a recap of your week for me. Do your best Monday morning ESPN show and give me the highlights since last time we talked.”
If I don’t Facebook, can you imagine my hesitation when I was peer-pressured into joining Messenger. I was always scared to download it. I believed conspiracy theories about the app tracking your every move and knowing your deepest darkest secrets. And look, they were right! I guess it was okay to join, by now the Russians probably have everything on me.
I did it solely for the purpose of a hometown get together. Why we couldn’t just do a group text? I didn’t understand. I brought my “let’s just text” communication option to the group organizer. He said it was easier than texting. Better than texting. Finally admitting it’s what a younger lady friend of his uses. She uses Messenger, so he uses Messenger.
“But Why Not a Text!!!” I said. I understood his circumstances, but not the communication mechanism.
“This way you can see if they are available, and know when they saw your message,” he said.
Well, that’s not promising. People would know if you are blowing them off.
I said I would delete the app once dinner was over. But of course, I forgot because you may recall, I get 15 minutes of phone time every two weeks.
Then, an odd thing started happening. Other friends started reaching out to me and I was actually able to get a hold of folks. People that would take days to text me back, people that would ignore my texts indefinitely, would suddenly, magically respond through Messenger.
For example, I needed help on my child’s Halloween costume. Through Messenger, I reached out to a friend’s mother with a question. She got right back to me within a nanosecond with tips on how to make a jellybean costume.
If my friend's mom is also on the platform doesn’t that turn Messenger into ‘mom jeans.’ And more importantly, why can’t a good old fashion text suffice.